The Rain in This Town

I have planned to abandon this town

There’s nothing here to keep me steady

My vision drowns in muddy waters

I drink drops of poison to keep myself sane

I have planned to abandon this town

My neighbors still have nooses around their necks

Their tears have turned into artifacts; its value still buried in history

I have planned to abandon this town

But as I step outside to set forth, my body weakens, my face loses color

There’s no other place to take shelter

Because everywhere seems the same, everyone seems the same

Dripping with Romance

I think about you when I walk the streets in the morning
Worrying about you and your childish need for attention
I sleep under the covers breathing your name
Wondering if you think of me as much as I think of you

Oftentimes, I grouch on my way home when I see the sky glow like diamonds
I am reminded of the deceptive luminance of a fool’s paradise
It makes me stare into the eyes of my reflection in the mirror
Sometimes, I would see a farce or a kid enjoying his snack

A question beats my brain:
Will it be selfish to ask for the same amount of love?
While it’s impossible to see both glasses full, I can’t help but look for spills on the floor
It’s difficult to concede to the idea that pulses only beat for the wrists they belong to

Alas, I can say that love isn’t built for weak hearts
There’s even a chance that it could end up
being a knife in the hands of other people
So go easy, romantic fella
Make sure you won’t bleed and die from the cuts

P.S.

This poem was formerly titled “Knives for Hugs,” which was published in 2014. I revised the title and the stanzas to correct the thoughts of my 23-year-old self. 

By the Taal Lake

Trend Micro PH held its summer outing in 2018 at the Club Balai Isabel resort, which is situated near the popular Taal Lake.

A video souvenir:

 

P.S.

Music from borrowed from The Everly Brothers’ “All I Have to Do is Dream.”

Poo Blue

My tummy’s killing me

Never have I ever dreamed

Of becoming pals with the loo

It makes me blue

Poo’s like glue

Oh darling, tea doesn’t do it

I don’t wanna gas no more

Doot doo root toot

I don’t wanna crap no more

doot doo root toot

A Trip to Mariveles’ Five Fingers Cove in Bataan

A short vacation with my buddies took place last weekend, January 13-14, 2018. We have been planning the trip for over a month, and although my friends already gave their yeses prior to the date, I was skeptical about the actualization of the trip. You see, just like any other group of friends, trips tend to die when the set date gets closer. It could be just another “drawing,” millennials and xennials call it nowadays, which is a noun that refers figuratively to planned but ultimately canceled outings by friends. To my delight, and surprise, the vacation trip materialized. We decided to go on the last minute to Mariveles’ Five Fingers Cove in Bataan. 

The photos speak for themselves. Five Fingers Cove is breathtaking.

From cliff diving and basking in the scenic views of  rock formations to tiptoeing on isles surrounded by sea hedgehogs and varieties of starfish and sea slaters, this sanctuary in Mariveles is heaven for city dwellers hungry for a relaxing weekend. Laki Beach, which was where we camped is amazing with its fine white sand.

The real star of this trip, however, is the fun moments I shared with friends. Here’s a nine-minute summary of our trip:

Fool

The Hour

The creases in the blanket were proof of our longing

An empty canvas made interesting by the colors

of our burning passion and our desire to be loved back

I didn’t need to close my eyes in that dim-lighted room

while my tongue examined the edges of your lips

Because you were already looking

before I even wished for you to stare back

 

Pulling your greasy hair was not an establishment of dominance

Not even an attempt to get pleasure from the sheer roughness of it

I was just looking for more ways to wrap myself around you

Because I wanted you to know that I wanted to own you

and how I wish that you pressing your face down my neck

was a sign that you wanted to own me as well

 

Even though what was physically left were creases

and drops of sweat on that wooden floor

I may still have something to look forward to:

A chance at reliving an almost supernatural experience,

if the odds would have it, with you, or with someone else

who can also show me that such precious hour can be fucking true

Stones (Music Video/Short Film)

Video synopsis: A young woman with a broken heart goes to the beach to unwind, but ends up distracted and annoyed when she couldn’t find the other pair of her flip flops.

Song title: Stones
Singer: Sham Kitma
Composition: Sham Kitma
Lyrics: Reynaldo Pagsolingan

Music video/short film written, directed, and edited by Reynaldo Pagsolingan

Lyrics:

The stones I buried under the mattress, they creak through the night
I’ve kept them all for a long time, loving and hating them at the same time

Tears wash but misery is amassed
It’s suppose to be lighter, but I’m heavier than ever

I’ll catch a bird and fly w/ it
Away from troubles, away from the wet pages
I’ll throw the stones one by one
I won’t pick them up
My smile is opening up
I’ll sleep soundly tonight

The stones, they’re baggage, they’re nothing but garbage
I knew going out for air is good but I can’t get up, my drive has stopped

Tears wash but my face looked crushed
I thought it doesn’t get better but it’s true it’s not forever

I’ll catch a bird and fly w/ it
Away from troubles, away from the wet pages
I’ll throw the stones one by one
I won’t pick them up
My smile is opening up
I’ll sleep soundly tonight

Don’t pick them up
The days of the past shouldn’t again turn up
Loosen up
The noise of the past
has been put to a stop

I’ll catch a bird and fly w/ it
Away from troubles, away from the wet pages
I’ll throw the stones one by one
I won’t pick them up
I will say goodbye
I will smile
And throw it all away

https://thebrilliantworm.wordpress.com/2014/05/10/stones/

Ghost

The time was eight o’clock in the evening. I took a break from work, left the operations area, and headed to the office lounge where I rested my body on a couch positioned in front of a large window painting before me the city lights 12 floors down below. When I was working the first time here, that seemingly subtle but loud illuminance gave me joy. Hope, even. “Candles lighting my far-reaching vision”, I told myself.

How times have changed four years later. Now, the lights left me tearing up a bit. Not out of delight, unfortunately.

I found myself looking back at the days when I was six years old in the province. The soil where our military duplex house stood was dark and fertile, the mothers in the neighborhood including my Mama did their routinely sweeping of the fallen leaves from huge trees spread across the village in the afternoon, and my first-grade self watched his favorite cartoon with friends while my brother cooked rice that will be served for dinner.

Funny how things change.

Places obscure rise from the dead, living places run out of breath.

A New Year’s Resolution (Holiday Draft)

The December break has given me a lot of motivation to change things up this year. Every aspect of my life was put into a wringer in 2016, and the general consensus seems to echo the same sentiment. Social media friends and semi-funny memes think this year is a huge shitty asshole. That is not nice to look at.

I know how easy it is for anyone to sound dumb when they say shit like “things are gonna be better next year” and “excited for the new me in January.”  While the shallow representation of reinvention and change is easily distinguished among people, I realized that it should not be at all easily dismissed.

Having gone through partly self-inflicted difficult situations more than ever this year, it is always a one step forward when one is attempting to be better. I see no reason to channel hate and assholeness. You don’t kick someone down when they attempt to stand up after an embarrassing fall.

I was sharing the dining table with my parents and siblings a few days ago when I got a hold of a thought that triggered a decision to reestablish my ideologies, behavior, and goals that I project onto the world. Last year, because of an awful breakup, and personality clashes among the people I work with, my life has become more complicated. I barely had any reason to get off my bed and smell the coffee because I was filled with so much negativity.

Now back to dinner with the fam, the conversations about ironing out the messy atittudes among us and the unspoken “we will always have each other’s backs” as we feel everyone’s spirits (in silence found between eating, talking, and laughing) fueled my passion that I have to admit was nearing its death.

I can’t let the fuckups of the world lure me into missing out my true purpose in this life.

I can’t let these wonderful people down because they make me more than my struggles and heartaches.

I have to be better because making my loved ones, especially my dear parents, proud of seeing me do good is a payback for their love, understanding, and sacrifices even if they are not asking for anything in return.

I was reminded that it always feels good when you are not just living for yourself. So, yeah. Let’s do some changes, shall we.