Tag Archives: poems

Mamayang Gabi

Sa pagbaba ng dilim sa lupa, ang ilaw ng mga bituin ay magmumukhang diwata sa paningin, ang liwanag ng buwan ay magiging kaibigan, at ang huni ng mga kulisap ay magiging hele sa pandinig

Pero sa paglipas din ng mga oras ay mapagtatanto na ang lahat ay disensyo lang sa paligid na walang hatid na sagot sa ingay ng pag-iisip

Ang mga mata ay mapapagod sa tingkad ng kutitap at ang dalawang tainga ay mangangati sa tono ng kawalang kahulugan

Sa gitna ng madaling araw ay lamig na lamang ang susuot sa kaibuturan -dahan-dahang kakainin ang natitirang apoy na sinindihan ng nakaraang hapon

Ang mga buto naman ay pigil na magtatanggol sa nanginginig na laman, at sa muling pagsilip sa kawalan para manlaban sa kahinaan ay makikitang patay na ang liwanag at pagod na ang ingay ng mga insekto

Kaya sa umaga ay maghihintay ng kasagutan sa nakakagising na mga tanong at kaguluhan ng isipan, umaasang may matitira pang lakas mula sa pagkain ng gabi sa kamalayan

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Freedom X

I’m a victim of my freedom
Without remorse,
I’ve wasted people’s time
I broke promises and hearts
I only listen to myself
sometimes

In wanting too much of it,
its power has overtaken me

I go home too late
Watching people
Validating myself
Drinking too much
Filling my lungs
with smoke and fun

Crossing lines & boundaries,
I’m digging myself
an early grave
The scythe is coming
for my neck

I have forgotten
where I came from
I have lost people who
once set my soul on fire
I thought I only needed
myself to survive

Well, I still believe that
sometimes half, sometimes wholeheartedly

And this writing, by the way,
isn’t a cry for help

I just want to say
I’m probably dead

When I’m seen
being terrible,
insensitive,
irresponsible,
or even soulless

It’s my freedom,
not me

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Love II

I threw lit cigarettes
where trash
and fire should be
Leaving fear behind
I am seeing the sun

I’ve wrapped my arms
around someone new
No googly eyes
No stink of drunken past

I’m hearing a sweet voice
whispering across the room
Clueless of where it
would lead me
A sad story or a party

But I’m cutting
my heart open
to see it bleed
to see it burst
to see it jump

To see it
beating
shaking
crying
flaming
wondering
gasping
alive and
just singing

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Wings For Fire

I broke my bones to numb the pain
I bit my lip to stay awake
I crossed the line to hope, to live
But you pushed me off the cliff

You are my sea of fire
You are my sea of fire
You clipped my wings

I moved my things for a change of phase
But I found myself looking for your face
Now you’re gone and I’m not the same
Somehow, I think it’s for the best

You are my sea of fire
You are my sea of fire
You clipped my wings

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The Crack

The ground opened a crack
I found myself curious
I looked inside
It was pretty dark
Hollow
A bit sad
Everyday I stared at it
Until the time came
My right foot fell off and
I was stuck

I cried for help
Waving my hands like
A fool
It was painful
Drips of blood came out
Still, no one came

Then the aching stopped
Or so I thought
Then I painted dirt on my leg
And then on my thighs
I drew black skies on my waist
I was amused
Not bored
Dirt painting for a company
Like cigarettes and coffee
I was alright then
I accepted it: the ground that bit my foot was my life

Until helplessness
Hopelessness
Loneliness
Came like sad thunders
I realized,
I had to get off the crack

I chewed off the skin of my left arm
Took my human gloves off
And started disentangling
the white thick twigs
Then I sharpened them using the ground like sand paper
‘Til blood and unpointiness disappeared

I sliced slowly
Then cut forcibly
I attacked and attacked
Until I freed myself from it

As I was about to leave
I fell down and hit my head hard
I woke up woozy
I started crawling
Parts of my body gone
I cracked a smile
Feeling triumphant
Without realizing
I am not whole anymore

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5-11-13

I’m sitting at the porch
wondering if
I was good enough
Eyes moving, looking for
an answer; a resolution
Maybe I could
think of something
if I mourn it properly
The cuts won’t
heal easily so
maybe if I pray
it will soon go away

Drinking doesn’t seem
to fulfill my attempts at
a waste-away night
I go home defeated, gutted
With hammering noises
inside my head
Maybe it’s time to call and
not laugh at unfunny jokes
It won’t make anything easy
so maybe if I pray it will
soon go away

There’s no winning
in a losing feeling

There’s no winning
in a losing feeling

but long ago
I stopped praying

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